A glimpse of yesterday...

I am uncertain of where to begin from.

As I look outside the window, I see the snow gently falling from the sky.. It makes me only dream and wish of the impossible. It makes me believe. Makes me believe in those moments that no one else will believe in.

What is it about snow that makes Christmas feel magical? What is it that makes you want to snuggle up with the one you love as you sit and watch the snow fall... What is that makes the snow seem so pure, innocent and free... What is it that makes snow so beautiful in every form... What is it that makes me love the snow...

I can't believe today is already December 12... only 13 more days until Christmas... where has the time gone.. I really don't know.

Lately my mind has been bombarded with many emotions and feelings that I have been uncertain of what to do with...

Last year at this time, I found myself surrounded by 30 kids....spending my nights on a bench looking at the stars and talking to the one person who truly holds the key to my happiness.....spending my days working and playing with kids....shopping in markets.... drinking tons of Guarna...... and eating some awesome food....making lasting memories with some amazing people.... and allowing God to touch the very depths of my heart and soul.... Last Year I found myself in Asuncion, Paraguay.... Tonight I wish i was back there again...

It is truly hard for me to grasp that a year has passed. Where does the time go.....Not only is it a year later, but I am a year into dating my best friend, my soul mate and just a few short months away from finishing my undergrad college experience :) WOW....

This past Wednesday was the official year mark for me and Tyler, along with a year since we went to Paraguay. Throughout this year there has been many ups, downs, twists, turns, accomplishments, disappointments, challenges, new beginnings, new hopes, new dreams, and so much more. It has been a year of enduring and learning what it truly means to Love. Learning what it means to be in a relationship with the one you love, with the one that has captured every part of your heart and soul. The one who just has to look at you and it literally lights up your life.
It was a year of tears and laughter. A year of good days and some bad. Through it all I have learned so much about myself. I have been stretched on every angle, I have been challenged and changed and the absolute best has been brought out in me.

I have learned how to love and be loved. I have learned how to let go and to be free. I have learned how to run hard after your dreams. I have learned to be all that you can be, to not doubt myself. I have learned to see beyond the "little window pane" but to look through the "entire window" to see the big picture....

I am thankful. I am thankful for this past year to be with my best friend, to learn how to love and how to be loved. To learn that God truly did hear every prayer I prayed, every tear I cried and every hearts desire I ever had. God has blown me away with his amazing faithfulness. Tyler I love you. I love you today, tomorrow and forever. We have learned a lot together and grown more than I thought. I am looking forward to all the years that are ahead of us. I am looking forward to the endless moments of laughter, joy and happiness that we will share together. Moments that nothing will be able to replace. moments that will be able to remember for a lifetime :) I know that you are for me. I know that God allowed our paths to cross, I know that God has some amazing awesome plans for our lives and future together. I cannot wait to watch them unfold....

I want to continue to write the pages of our life together... the pages that have yet to be written... You hold the key to my heart and happiness.

I am thankful for the yesterdays, hopeful for the tomorrows and excited about the future....


As I continue to see all that God has done in my life since Paraguay blows me away. Paraguay will forever and always will hold a special place in my heart. I know that I will return there soon... sooner than I think... I know that God has some amazing plans... plans that I cannot even begin to understand right now... I am come so far to get where I am at right now and am beyond grateful for Gods amazing faithfulness and his endless grace that he daily shows to me.

As I end this year in 2010 I am excited to start 2011.. I am excited to get to the finish line of graduating college.. Something that last year at this time, I probably would of told you I will never graduate. Little did I know God had bigger and better plans....

So tonight I reflect.. I go back to a year ago.. I go back to where I have come from... and where I am going...

As I continue to watch the snow gently fall... I am reminded how much God truly loves me..How much he truly sees me as his daughter... He is my father. In the absence of my real father.. God is always there. There is no greater love than the love he has for me... Thank you Lord for reminding me of that. Tonight I know that through the storm there is always peace.... I will continue to climb the mountain and I will overcome.

I'm dreaming of a.....

Well Today is already December 4th....
I can't believe that. Almost a year ago I was preparing to head to Paraguay... Now it is already a year later... I seriously don't know where the time goes... Sometimes it can be very overwhelming... But I love to look back and reflect over the past year... where I have been... what I have accomplished and where I am headed :) So much has happened over this past year and for each part of my life that has changed I am beyond grateful, happy, excited and dreaming of what is to come...

I think as it begins to get closer to the holidays, I find myself thinking about family and friends.. wishing that we lived closer... Sometimes being in a single parent family can have its downfalls. I love my little family and am blessed beyond anything in this world but sometimes it is just depressing, especially around the holidays. This year it will just be me and my mom for Christmas..... I have told nobody how hard this is for me... how hard it is that my brother will not be here.. nor my grandparents. I don't want to talk about it a lot because I know that it is hard for my mom... I just stay strong for the both of us... But sometimes the overwhelming feelings and waves of sadness hit me... this is one of those moments...

Christmas as a child was and still is my favorite time. I miss waking up and having my brother by my side or spending Christmas morning with him and Emily.. Times and Life changes we must adjust... sometimes it is very hard.... I see my other friends who have huge families that live all in the same vicinity and it is very hard for me because I long for that more than anything in this world... One day I hope to have that :)

However I am thankful for an amazing, beautiful, faithful mother who has sacrificed so much for me and my brother. Has kept not only the foundations of God in our lives but the traditions we did as a family have still been much apart of who we are. I am thankful and grateful in so many ways. It may just be the two of us, but the two of us will and always can make the best of it :)


On another note......... I can say that I have finished up my last Fall semester at Lee University as an undergrad... I must say it feels AMAZING. It is crazy to think I am about to graduate from college in a little over 5 months :) :) God you have been so faithful. Thank you for walking me through this journey hand in hand and directing my each and every step. You are forever
faithful.


I am excited to begin the next chapter of my life. I am ready for new beginnings...change... moving forward. :)

I am dreaming...and will continue to dream big :)

Remembering...Reminiscing..Reflecting...

Well ok it has been way to long since I last posted. I figured it was time to get back in the groove of things :)


I have missed this. At lot has happened in the past 5 months, to much to write. So I will begin with now. I am 3 days shy from turning 23 and I have a lot of emotions surrounding me.

Emotions of I'm not a kid anymore... and there are days I would give anything to be a kid again....feelings of sadness and excitement as I am entering my last and final semester as an undergrad....remembering my papa who died 23 years ago on Sunday.... Just reminiscing. Sometimes it is good to look back.. to reflect.. to remember where you were a year ago... 5 years ago.. and to see where you have come from, what you have overcome and who you have become! As I reflect back I can still say that my GOD is a FAITHFUL GOD!

It blows my mind away that I will be 23. I feel as though I just moved here... which was almost 8 years ago. I remember when I was little my Neena always told me " just wait until you get older, time will fly by" man was she ever correct. I don't know where the time has gone. To think I am already 3 years into my 20's about to graduate college and start my Master's... and then on to get engaged and married in the next 2 years! Life is changing in so many wonderful, exciting and overwhelming ways :)

I am thankful for life, as I think back on my 23 years I have so much to be thankful for. I have an amazing mother who has instilled in me a foundation that can never be broken. A mother who has made some of the biggest sacrifices for her children that I have never known mothers to do. A mother who has loved unconditionally. A mother who has prayed on her hands and knees from the moment we were born for her children's lives. A mother who above all else is my forever friend, someone whom I admire and hold dear to my heart in so many ways. I am thankful and blessed.

I am thankful for an amazing brother, and fatherly figure in my life who has been that guiding and helping hand along the way. Who has made me laugh until I pee my pants and has wiped my tears as he held my hand, who has helped me through failures and accomplishments and who has been my forever friend.

I am thankful for the amazing friends and family he has placed in my life. Sometimes God allows certain people to come into your life at just the right season. He has placed certain people along my path at the most divine time and allowed me to see once again his amazing faithfulness that he pours out on us daily.

I am thankful for my absolute amazing best friend and man in my life, Tyler. I think I thank God for him everyday. He is an answer to every prayer I have prayed, every tear I have cried, every dream I have dreamed and every hope I have ever had. He is "The one", he is a man of God. We are about to celebrate a year together and I could not be more happy. I don't say it enough but he is my other half, he makes my world go round and God knew what he was doing when he placed us in each other's lives almost a year ago next week! God is one amazing and timeless God!.... :)

As i think on these things. I am thankful. As this is the month to be thankful, I feel extra thankful and extra blessed this year.

So many new windows of opportunity that have been given to me, so many blessings, so many dreams being fulfilled and passions that are being ignited. I am excited to see where God continues to take me as I finally being to finish out this journey of life that he has placed me on.

I remember saying when i was younger Lord send me to the nations, for this is the cry of my heart. let me change the lives of the hurting and the broken.... Well God is sending me to just that with what is right on my back door step. I feel God's calling on my life being broadened and expanded into the bigger picture that he had placed before me a long time ago. I see new directions and new hopes that are being lived out and I see God moving mountains and placing me in places that I never thought I would be in but places that I can't imagine being without.

I will move ahead bold and confident

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Takeing every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

My Best Friend.

There are many times in our lives when we pause to reflect, to remember every blessing that God has poured out, to see his faithfulness radiant in our lives, to see the places he has brought us from and the places we are going.

Today is one of those days for me. Today I pause. Today I remember the blessings God has given to me. Today I am thankful for where I came from, what I have been through and where I am going. Today I am reminded of his constant and faithful love that he pours out.

Certain experiences and times in your life are a constant reminder of his faithfulness, one of those for me would be the day that My Best Friend, My Soul Mate and My Future walked into my life. It was 8 months ago today and yet it feels like 8 years. I can remember that day as if it was yesterday! I remember the first time I ever saw him and thought to myself man he looks like one amazing man, but never thought about it much after that and went on my merry way. However, little did I know a couple months later we would become the best of friends, every dream and prayer would come true and we would begin a new joureny together!

When I look back over these past 8 months, all I can do is smile. I remember watching Tyler from a far off at church and seeing him around school, and always desired to get to know him but never did. However a door was opened and we both were participating in the Paraguay trip that his dad was directing. I remember the first night of class, it was right before my 22nd birthday, I saw him, realized who he was and once again didn't think anything about it. Well we started having classes here and there and before I knew it we were talking. If you know me, you know I am not the kind of girl to just strike up a conversation with guys, I don't open up easily and I keep my heart guarded. However with Tyler it was differnt, I knew he was differnt from the moment I saw him. There was something that clicked between me and him that I can't even explain. While in Paraguay we connected on so many differnt levels; spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physcially. I saw his heart melt as he interacted with the kids at Hogar Gonar, I saw his passions radiate as he worshipped, I saw his dreams unfold as he was walking in the calling on his life, I saw his life reflect a Godly Man. More than anything, I saw our hearts and spirits connect in such a way that it brought tears to my eyes. I saw the faithfulness of my prayers, of my hopes, of my dreams, and of the tears that I shed unfold before my very eyes. Sometimes waiting is worth the wait. Going for God's best is more than rewarding :)

As each new day comes and goes, I am more and more thankful and blessed to have Tyler in my life. I feel like I fall in love over and over again. He brings out the absolute best in me. He is my better half. He makes me laugh like no one else can, he makes me smile no matter what kind of day I'm having,and he makes me happy. I love him for the way he loves me, for the way he understands even when I think he doesn't, I love him for the way he looks at me, (as if it is the first time he has ever laid eyes on me), I love him for the way he hugs me, for the way he is not ashamed to hold my hand no matter where we go. I love him for the highs, the lows, the ups and downs, the laughter, the tears, the in-betweens and all the joys he brings. I love him for his heart of gold, for the way he loves and seeks the face of God. I love him because he is my best friend. I can't wait to watch out future unfold together and see all that God has in store. He has big plans. Thank you for being in my life. THank you for being who you are. Thank you for loving me the way you do and thank you for being my Best Friend. I love you more than words can say :)

Days Gone By

Days have gone by, goals have been met, dreams are being accomplished, mountains are being climbed and I find myself always coming back to this place of sharing my heart, thoughts, desires and prayers. So here it goes....

This summer has gotten off to a busy start, I started a new job from 8 to 5 everyday and am going to school for the month of June. Talk about busy and stressed? But hey it is worth it, it is one step closer to me walking across that stage next May, and boy am I counting down the days, hours and seconds :)... After taking a semester off of school and now coming back into Summer School, it has really challenged me and given me hope.I feel renewed. It has reignited my desire and passions to continue to learn all that I can, because you can always learn more. You never stop learning. You might have the fundamentals you need for life, but that doesn't mean that we don't always have room to grow or learning to do and lessons to apply to our daily lives.
With that being said, it feels good to be back in the books, even though I may not like it always, I feel accomplished, I feel proud of myself. I feel fulfilled because I am fulfilling my dreams, hopes and aspirations to become a teacher. For I know that God has a plan and a purpose for my life. I have seen the doors open that no man can open but him. I am amazed.

As these next weeks approach, I am reminded of God's amazing faithfulness in my life. On July 4th, it will be 4 years since I was diagnosed with Auto-immune Hepatitis. As I remember back to that first time in the hospital,I am stopped dead in my tracks at where I was, where I have been and where God is still taking me. I am in awe of his hand of mercy, grace, faithfulness and love that is on my life. To this day I still don't have the answers i want or desire as that human being who wants to know everything, however what I do know is that what Satan meant for harm God turned it into something beautiful. He turned my mourning into dancing. I remember my mom clearly saying "we will not do this for 2 years with doctors, medicines, blood work etc..." here we are 4 years later still going at it...... Honestly I am reaching the end of my ropes, the end of my journey. I know that everyday I am one step closer to my complete healing, God has promised me I will see that day. I will continue to stand strong in my faith and the promises which God has given me. I will continue to fight this battle, because God has given me the strentgh to run this race with endurance, perseverance, hope and faith. I am thankful because nothing is to big for my God.

Sometimes you go through life, and life is so busy that you just need to stop and "smell the roses" so to speak, you just need to stop and sit quietly so that you can hear the constant still small voice of God speaking to you and reminding you of his constant love and faithfulness in our lives.

So days gone by have had ups and downs. New heights and New Levels. Mountains to climb and Valleys to run through. Goals accomplished and new goals to meet. New Horizons and more opportunities. Dreams renewed and more dreams yet to be made. A fresh hope and a renewed spirit. Through each and everyday I have walked, ran, and continued to tell my story through my journey. Through my Days gone by............

Rediscovering Dreams...

Hello There.

well it's been too long AGAIN. I seem to get better about blogging and then I get in a rut and i just stop. However when love to write, and when I write words seem to flow from the depths of my heart that sometimes I don't even know how, and my thoughts are expressive of the world around me and the daily journeys of life that shape and define us. When I write. I am different. When I write, I am me.

I can't believe it is already May, I honestly don't know where the time is going. Life truly is picking up speed the older I get. I'm not really sure how I feel about that. I think I have a love/hate relationship with it. Sometimes I just wish, and need life to slow down and other times i am ready for it to pick up and be on to the next chapter and journey of my life and future :)

I think the past couple weeks I have been reminiscing of days gone by. Reminiscing of my college experience thus far. It has been 4 years since I graduated High School and this is technically the "4 year mark" for when I should graduate college, however I am not, due to taking a little detour and extending my journey. However the majority of my friends that I began college with and have been on this journey with me graduated this past weekend. It really was a reality shaker, an eye opener. There was kind of a feeling of sadness that brushed through as the journey ended for all of us and we go our separate ways. Most of them are engaged or getting married and beginning their next chapter and new journey. I am happy for all of them but my life changes drastically after college, it is definetly not like when you leave high school. Its' a whole new world.........
I think a part of me was also a bit frustrated that I was not graduating with them and that my college journey is taken quite a bit longer. But one thing I can say is that everyone travels different journey's in life for different reasons and on that journey you learn and you grow. Well my journey has definetly been quite different than most, but through it all I am thankful and I am blessed for the amazing and wonderful FAITHFULNESS of God. Whether I see or understand the whole big picture right now. I know that one day it will all make perfect sense and every piece to the puzzle will fit perfectly together to create a beautiful tapestry.

I think also within myself this has brought back more than ever my determination to finish this race that I began. I know that God has equipped me with the skills and the ability to do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me. I know that for whatever reason, I am in this season of my life because God has called me to be here at this time. Through this season he is stretching me and even opening up doors that I never thought would be opened. In the midst of the storm I am thankful for the rainbow and for the promises that he always fullfills. For the hope that is always found. For the strength that is always given. For the dreams that are always and continually discovered and for God's constant and unconditional love.

I think I have rediscovered my dreams, not to say that I ever lost them. They have always been there. Honestly I think that apart me at times pushed them to the side because I felt as if my dreams seemed so far away. They seemed so out of reach and everything I was doing to get there was not seeming to work. However sometimes in life you have to push yourself more than what you want to get to your dreams, sometimes you have to sacrifice, sometimes you have to lay everything else down and make it to where you know your supposed to be. Sometimes you have to take even a bigger leap of faith and trust God whole heartidly and know that he knows all things and will work them out in his time. For me this past semester that has been a hard thing to grasp at times. It's a lesson that at differnt times in my life God has been challenging me with, teaching me and showing me.

Over the past 4 years of my life my faith has been taken to heights and levels that I never imagined I would go. God has taken me places, shown me things, challenged me with things and done things in my life that 4 years ago I would of looked at you and said your crazy. I found this quote and I like it, it says:
“Keep your dreams alive. Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe"

Every word of it is true. you have to have the faith and belief in first yourself to be able to have the determination to finish the race that God has placed before you. It is NEVER going to be easy, if life was easy, if there was no mountains to climb no bumps to walk over then what would be the point. How would we learn? How would we grow? How would we be challenged to go the extra mile, to push ourselves, to overcome?!

It's all about the journey. I'm still writing my story. Everyday one more piece is added, one more lesson is learned, one more accomplishment is made and one more dream is rediscovered.

My feet tell a story of where I have been and hold the hopes and dreams of where I am going!

In the Silence, God Speaks

It's me again......

It's been way to long....

Life has just been busy, and time has gotten away from me. But I thought nothing more pefect than a quiet evening alone in my room just me and God, time to think... time to write... time to blog... Sometimes it feels good to just write it all out. to let it all go and to express myself.

It's April now, time is flying by. It seems like just yesterday i was talking about my trip to paraguay and just getting back into the groove of life in the states again and now it is 4 months later. Sometimes I wish time would slow down, but then again I wish time would speed up in certain areas. But hey you can't have it both ways, just like in life.

Where to begin... life is truly a journey. One that we we seem to find to discover something new on everyday, one where we never know what today or tomorrow will bring, one where we have to climb some of the highest and deepest mountains, one where we learn to love even when it hurts, one where we learn to forgive and let go, one where we see beyond the natural eye but we see into the beauty, and into the eye of the beholder. One where we learn lessons that are never easy. One where we must fight until we can't fight no more. One where we must find hope in the darkest places. One where we must love those that no one else will love. One where sometimes it seems the light is never at the end of the tunnel but it means you have to press on even harder.... I could keep going but pretty much life is a joureny, constantly turning. Everyday I am learning more and more on this journey on this so called thing that we call life. I am learning more and more about my story... i am learning more about why God has placed me on the jouney that I am on...

To be honest, there are days it never makes sense, there are days I still sometimes question and ask why. There are days that I don't always understand. There are days that all I can literally do is cry. but one thing that I always know is that God has loved me with an everlasting love, and he is a Faithful and True Father. He will never leave me or forsake me and he has called me by name. He knows when i sit and when I rise. He is familiar with all my ways. He hems me in behind and before. He will walk me through every part of my journey as long as I continue to be willing to listen to his still small voice and know that everything that I face, everything that I do, everything that I see, everyone that I meet is all apart of my Story. My story is bigger than my eyes can even see. Everyday as I write my story I am also sharing my story. So no matter what I face or what you face you must always try to find that place in your heart where you know that God is hearing you, loving you, and seeking you out.

Lately there has been many tears shed. many tears that I don't even really have answers for. But I know that down deep inside my heart is on the weaker and fragile side, but even in that I know that God is my strength and my portion. Every morning when I rise, it is a new day. New Grace, New Mercies and New joy abound! I shall not fear but hope and believe.

my title for this blog is In the silence, God speaks. Today I was sitting at work by myself this morning, just thinking and talking to God. I saw this little book on the desk and picked it up to read it. It was by Max Lucado. The title on the book was something about tough times.... so I began reading the little chapters and came upon on of the last chapters. The title of it was " In The Silence, God Speaks"... All of the sudden as I read that title, I put down the book and I just sat there... I listend and in that moment those 5 words were pretty powerful, because God really does speak to you in the silence. There are so many times when I just sit..... and I listen... I listen to his still small voice... I listen to him whisper in my ear and remind me who I am, who he has called me to be, how much he loves me, and that he has a plan and a purpose for my life..........


In The Silence he speaks to me. I know that he hears my hearts cry and sees every tear i shed. he knows my deepest dreams and my biggest hopes and he loves me more and more everyday. I will praise him in the storm.

blue..blue..blue..

Rain Rain go away.... come gain another day....

So it has been raining ALL day long. I absolutly hate days like these. They make me feel so blue and on top of the rain my boyfriend leaves tomorrow for 10 days. I am beginning to feel the waves of emotions... To most people that may seem like not a big deal. However for me and Tyler it's a big deal. This is the longest we have ever been apart from each other. As the saying always goes...."Abscence makes the heart grow fonder"... :)

Yes that is true, however it is still hard. Not only is he my boyfriend but he is my absolute best friend. Even though during a normal week, we don't see each other everyday nor do we talk everyday, however there is something about knowing that he is just around the corner if I needed him, but now he will be miles and miles away, which makes my heart miss him more than ever.

Our realtionship speaks so many volumes to me day in and day out. I know that the love that we have for each other goes farther than we can see, deeper than we can understand, and wider than we would ever believe. When we are not together we are not complete. It's a love that so many relationships, marriages and families lack now a days. I am thankful that I found a love that will last forever. :) It is more than I could ask for, more than I deserve and more than I ever thought I would receive. I am so in love and everyday I am falling deeper and more in love.

so tonight we got to spend together before he left. It was great. my grandparents just arrived in town and they wanted to see him before he left because when he gets back they will be back in NY. So he came and spent the evening with my family. As always it was enjoyable and fun.... Every second we get to spend together is amazing and wonderful...

So when saying goodbye, i didn't quite think I would cry as much as i would, however saying goodbye is never easy and for us who are basically inseperable, 2 peas in a pod. This is not easy. I feel like half of my is missing, which it is. I am excited for him that he gets to go on Spring Tour, I know that it is something he loves to do. I will always support him and be behind him all the way... that is what love is all about.

As I say goodnight, I have many waves of emotions. but what i know is that God's constant grace, peace, love and mercy is new each and everyday. His arms are wrapped ever so tightly around us, he will never let us go... he is always there!

Tyler gave me this necklace at Christmas and it says " I am thankful that in God's design he planned for your path to cross mine"... And yes GOD I am thankful more than I can even say........

Through The Rain We Learn To Dance....

So we meet again... I find myself not blogging as much these days and I'm not sure why... and so today is the perfect day. It is rainy... and there is nothing better to do that blog a little bit about my life....

I honestly have nothing to complain about.. I have a great life and God has blessed me abundlty above all that I could ask for or think of. Lately I have been in a weak place in my life. A place where there are moments that I find myself struggling to have the strength to press on. But I think it is more just me letting go and laying it all down and trusting God. I know that God has not brought me thus far in my life to just leave me hanging, however he has brought me thus far to keep challenging me, breaking me, molding me, shaping me and loving me. Which made me think of this song, the chorus says:

He never promised that the cross would not get heavy
And the hill would not be hard to climb
He never offered our victories without fighting
But He said help would always come in time
Just remember when your standing in the valley of decision
And the adversary says give in
Just hold on, our Lord will show up
And He will take you through the fire again

It is kinda funny, I can encourage people all day long and speak words of wisdom and tell them to not give up and sometimes I need to just eat my own words. I have heard many times before, that most of the time when you are giving adivce or talking and sharing to someone else, you are really just sharing it so you can hear it for you.

Maybe this past semester is not the way I ever dreamed or thought it would go, however I have seen in the last weeks that this is truly the direction God wanted me to go. He has opened many new doors and taken me to new heights in my life that is challenging me and growing me daily. I am learning more about myself each and everyday. For once in my life, I am seeing the result of the person that I am, the standards that I hold in my life, the heart that I have through the words of people that don't even know me but all they do is watch and see me through how I live my life. It has been a blessing to me to hear and feel the encouragement from those who barely even know me. It truly speaks volumes to me.

I look at these moments of weakness as times in my life when God is deeping my relationship with him, taking my passions and heart to new levels, challenging me always and never giving up but always pushing me to give my 110% even when I don't want to. It is called a place of surrender. A place where you must daily lay down your wants, desires, and give it all to God. Lay it at his feet. Trust him. and know that he will work all things out. You must concecrate yourself before him daily.

Even when there have been moments that I have wanted to give up, that I didn't think I would make it, I know that I can do all things through christ who strengthens me...I know that God has called me to this place to be used by him.. to serve... to be a testimony... and to share my story..

I am thankful for who I am, for how I have been raised, for the foundation that was instilled in me at a young age, for a family that has always loved, and for a God that is constantly and forever faithful.

I am also thankful for the man of God that God has blessed me with in my life. I could never ask for anything more. I truly never knew that I could love as much as I love him. He brings out the absolute best in me and more. Thank you God for being faithful...

More than my weaknesses, more than my down times, I have so many things to be thankful for, so many blessings and so many tears of joy that I cry daily. I am thankful for this journey that I am on. Every part of this journey is a story and I am excited to see where this journey leads me and the story that unfolds before my eyes. Thank you God. I love you.

Still.. Be still and know that I am God..

Hello Again....

Today has been a great day so far... as well as my weekend as a whole. Yesterday was my mother's birthday. :) We celebrated it with friends and family. It was truly great to just fellowship, laugh, smile, and have fun! I know it was great for my mom as well. She deserves to have an amazing day for she is an amazing person inside and out... I love her :)

I have been in one of those moods today where my mind is ticking away in so many differnt directions.... Life always gives you things to think about, moments to remember, moments to hope for, and lessons to always learn. I am thankful for where I am at and where I am going. God continues to daily remind me of his amazing faithfulness and his mercy and grace that is new each and every morning. Today at church, it was a great service. pastor did not even get to preaching because God was moving and his annoiting was overflowing. Pastor had made an altr call for anyone, but specifially for those who had physcial illnesses or finacial needs. For some reason today, I felt a strong desire that I needed to go to the front. I don't ever go unless I know that I know that God is speaking to me and telling me to move. So I moved. As I stood at the altar, I just began to weep and I knew that God was moving in and through me. Pastor had asked the young people to help him pray and to lay hands on people. Several young people came around me and prayed over me. I don't know what they said, but I definitely felt God's annointing. There have been many moments in my life when I have distinctly felt God's presence over me and today was one of those days.... God was speaking in and through me and just reassusring me of the promises... the hopes.. the visions and the prayers he has given to me. To not give up, to not doubt but to keep pressing... to keep hoping.. to keep believing and knowing that he will never leave me nor forsake me. He is my healer and I will see my complete healing come to past. I am thankful for this journey he has placed me on for it has helped to mold me and shape me.

After the young people prayed over me, Tyler had been standing in front of me praying for a young boy, i felt someone grab my hand and pull me towards them, I knew it was him. He put his arm around my neck and began to pray over me and cry. In that moment I felt God's presence even more and felt God's annointing flowing through him. It was an amazing moment to share together. I am thankful for Tyler and for his willingness to listen to the holy spirit and to listen when God speaks. It is amazing to know that I have somone in my life not just for a season but for a lifetime. Someone who knows how to pray. Someone who knows how to seek God. Someone who is not ashamed and not afraid to cry. Someone who loves God with all their heart. Someone who walks in the blessings and the faithfulness of God. As we stood there together and prayed I just wept and was thankful that I have a man in my life like Tyler. A man that I love and that loves me in return but more than anything loves God with all his heart.. and is willing to seek him first in everything he does. Thanks Tyler for being that Man of God. For being differnt. For being strong. For loving. For being my Best Friend. And for walking with me, side by side and hand in hand. :) You are my life. You are my future. and I am blessed and thankful for you. I love you more than you will ever know.

God has blessed me beyond belief. I can't ever stop talking about it becasue I am always blown away at his faithfulness and amazing blessings. We sang the song "Still" today at church by Hillsong. One of my favorite songs.

"Hide me now Under your wings, Cover me within your mighty hand. When the oceans rise and thunders roar I will soar with you above the storm, Father you are king over the flood. I will be still and know you are God"

Even in the biggest storms of life God is there. No matter how big the storm, how long, how wide, how deep. God is there in the very midst of it, holding your hand and walking you through it. My God is a big God and a faithful God. Never loose sight of that.

Sometimes we must Be Still and know that he is God. We must stop. wait. and listen. sometimes it is not easy but in those moments you will be awakened to new heights.

So God thank you for breathe of fresh air, thank you for your annointing. Thank you for your healing. Your unconditional love, mercy and grace. I am thankful that you are here and moving in the midst of our daily lives. I lay down my will to you, not my will but your will be done in my life. I love you Lord with all my heart. In you I live and move and breathe.........

A Blue Kinda Day......

Well It's a blue kinda day.... Do you ever have those days when you just are overhwhelmed with life. Overwhelmed with maybe the obstacles you are facing or the journey that you are on. Do you ever feel discouraged?....

Today has kind of been one of those days for me. I was sitting at work today and throughout the day I was overwhelmed with waves of emotions. I began thinking about life... My journey.... I think that my emotions have been swirling around me for weeks and today they just errupted...

There are days that I feel like my life is in a whirlwind, right now I am at a place that I never thought I would be, nor did I ever think God would take me in this direction. However once again God has surprised me in his plans that he has for my life. I know that God has placed me where I am supposed to be, even if there are days it seems like it's a fight. Sometimes the battle is the greatest when God is about to open the flood gates of heaven, and open doors that no man can open but him. Sometimes it means you have to fight all the more to get to where your dreams are. Sometimes it means you have to sacrifice much. Sometimes it means you have to press through even when you want to give up. Sometimes it means you must laugh through the tears and the pain. Sometimes it means you must smile even when you don't always want to. It means you must never give up and always try harder. Always push yourself and give more than what you think you can. I think I am telling myself this more and more everyday...

Lately I have felt that my passion and my drive to get to where my dream is, has slowly been fading. It seems that the joureny to get to that point thus far has not been the easiest and I have doubted myself and if I would make it there or not. However what I do know is that my God has not brought me thus far in my life.. in my joureny to just leave me hanging... He has not equipped me to fail, but he has equipped me to fight...to persevere. To have the faith to move the biggest mountain. He has equipped me to always give my best and nothing less. I know that God has not given me a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind.

God is not surprised by any of this, for he has every part of my life in the very palm of his hands. I know that we all have moments of weakness, we all will have down days. It is in those moments when I know I must fight all the more. I must push through the storm and I must know that God is always forever faithful. He has loved me with an everlasting love and he will never leave me, nor forsake me.

Everyday I will awaken my praise and pour out a song from my heart........

In the quiet, in the stillness
I know that you are God
In the secret of your presence
I know there I am restored
When you call I won't refuse
Each new day, again I'll choose

There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise

In the chaos, in confusion
I know you're sovereign still
In the moment of my weakness
You give me grace to do your will
When you call I won't delay
This my song through all my days

There is no one else for me
None but Jesus
Crucified to set me free
Now I live to bring Him praise

I am yours and you are mine...

All my delight is in you Lord
All of my hope
All of my strength
All my delight is in you Lord
Forevermore

A Faithful God

I have not blogged in a while again. I figured it was about time I shared my thoughts and hearts. Well today and pretty much my whole entire weekend has been great :) Today at church was missions sunday, we were taking up the offering for Shaun and sara Morton, the missionaries we stayed with when I went to Paraguay back in December. Well I was asked to share my testimony this morning....

I have been preparing for it all week.. To be honest I was rather quite nervous. I had never spoken in front of so many people before, nor had I ever really shared my testimony. I had spent a lot of time just praying and just asking God to speak in and through me. My mom prayed over me before we left the house this morning and I truly felt the holy spirit moving in me even before I got to church. By the time I arrived at church I kinda felt a little more nervous. However as soon as I walked up onto that stage and began to speak I looked out across the congregation I felt God saying to me Megan this is going to be you one day.. This is going to be you speaking to thousands of people. This is just the beginning of where I am going to take you and the doors that I am going to open. As I began to talk and share, I knew that is where God had called me to be, that is the place that God is preparing me for. I don't know where he is going to take me, I don't know what is in store, but I know that God has been awakening something inside of me for a long time and he truly is doing amazing things in my life and he is beginning to open doors that no man can open but him.....

I don't know all that is in store but what I do know is that my God is faithful! I am thankful for every promise, every hope, every dream and every prayer. He never faiils. His love never fails. He is always there to pick us up and to wipe away our tears. He has awakend my heart once again, he is taking me to new heights and depths in him.

Every valley shall be raised up,
every mountain and hill made low;
the rough ground shall become level,
the rugged places a plain.

And the glory of the LORD will be revealed,
and all mankind together will see it.
For the mouth of the LORD has spoken."
Isaiah 40:4-5

He is truly faithful. God has blessed me with the most incredible an amazing man of God in my life. Every time I see him, I see God's faithfulness everywhere. It blows me away. We had the best time this weekend together as we entered a new chapter in our lives. I am excited to see all that God has in store for our relationship. For the foundation that we have built our relationship on will never be broken. God is daily taking us to deeper levels in him together. I know that he is for me! God thank you for every blessing poured out, for every gift, for every sacrifice, for every tear, for every journey, for life. You are my father. my friend. my shelter in the raging storm. you are my comfort. my hope. my refuge. my strength. my love. my life. my future. and my All. every day I will awaken my praise and pour out a song from my heart. I love you God.

My Best Friend :)

As I talked about in the last post, the people that God has placed in my life and the things that God has begun to do in the last months have truly blown me away.

One of them is my Best Friend Tyler. He is absolutely amazing inside and out. When I think of Tyler and our relationship I am blown away at how faithful God is. When you truly seek him and wait on his best, he will give you every desire of your heart and more. The things that God has blessed me with and trusted me with has surpassed every hope, every dream, every prayer and every tear I have cried!

Tyler brings out the absolute best in me and more! I have watched in amazement at his love and passion for God and his heart of compassion for people and children. I don't think I have ever met a young man who truly has a heart that beats and chases after the very heart of God!

Not only did I just spend the last 21 days fasting with my home church but me and Tyler were also fasting together for our relationship and future. Can I just say that it was the most amazing thing ever. To know that you have found someone that is willing to seek the very face of God with you and lay aside everything else is absolutely incredible. We have started our relationship on an amazing and Godly foundation. A foundation that will never be broken. Isaiah 28:16 is one of our scriptures that speaks about our relationship. It says " So this is what the Sovereign Lord says: "See I lay a stone in Zion, a tested stone, a precious cornerstone for a sure foundation; the one who trusts will never be dismayed." A cornerstone is the strongest pillar in a foundation, when I think of me and Tyler I think of a cornerstone, for we have a foundation that will never be broken but will be continually built up and strengthened in truth, purity, holiness and righteousness.

We have this connection that you can't always explain or understand but when you see us and you watch us you know that we have something different and something beautiful. Our friends watch us and see our relationship daily, they see that we are different they see the reflection of Christ in our actions, our heart and our daily lives. They see holiness, purity and righteousness in our relationship. I know and feel that me and Tyler will break the mold for what relationships are and should be! He has captured my heart in every way. He brings so much joy and happiness to my life, more than I can even contain at times. He is my better half and completes me. He is the greatest and best friend I could ever ask for or receive. Our dreams, hopes, prayers and desires go hand and hand with each other. I know that God has incredible and amazing things in store for us and our future. He is going to blow us out of the water. I am excited to know that my best friend will be walking hand and hand and side by side with me for the rest of our journeys through life! God you are truly forever faithful, thank you :)

There have been many moments... many long nights.... many long talks with my mama... many tears shed over my future husband. Not a day has gone by that I have not prayed for my future husband and continued to hold on to the promises, the hopes, the prayers and the desires in my heart that I had.... There were times it was hard, and moments I wondered if I would ever see the full desires of my heart come to past.... Well little did I know God's best was just around the corner, but just like with anything in life, God requires us to wait upon him patiently! To seek out his best for our life, to not falter to the left or to the right... to NOT SETTLE. to not give up, but to hold out and press on no matter how great the cost is, because in the end the reward is far greater than you could ever possibly begin to imagine.

When I was 18 years old, my brother gave me a journal, and in the journal he wrote a letter and said to me " Take this journal and use it. Talk to God with it. Write down your dreams, your visions, and your prayers, and watch them grow along with yourself. I am so proud of you and all you have done. Don't forget about God's faithfulness and don't ever settle for 2nd best. GO for God's best, for you..... you deserve it. I'm leaving with you the scripture that has carried me through college and life... I love you sis Jeremiah 29:11-13 and Psalms 139

below the letter he wrote this little song.... "For our times together, and for those far apart. Just remember you are always in my heart. In my thoughts, in my prayers, Hey I will take you any where's But take this book, hold it tight.... Speak to it day or night.... For you are my joy... you are my smile... You are my sister.. Who I love... - Joshua............

I share that to say that I took that journal and I wrote down every dream...every thought... every prayer.. I cried over it.. I prayed over it... and I waited for God's best. As I look back on my life and my journey's that God has placed me on. The places he has brought me through and the places I have been... I pause and I thank God everyday for his incredible and indescribable faithfulness! He truly blows me away. Every journey... every trial.. every hurt... every pain... has been worth it all. For it has shaped me... defined me... challenged me... changed me... and brought me to the place I am and the Godly Woman that I have become today!

I feel as if I am the happiest and most blessed girl alive. I could never ask for anything more. I have found my Best Friend... My Soul Mate.... and My Future.... There is not a day that goes by that I do not have a smile on my face and joy overflowing :) I am amazed and blown away at all that God is doing in and through my life!

These lyrics say it all:
Mama you taught me to do the right things
So now you have to let your baby fly
You've given me everything that I will need
To make it through this crazy thing called life
And I know you watch me grow up and always want whats best for me
And I think I found the answer to your prayers

And he is good, so good
He treats your little girl like a real man should
He is good, so good, he makes promises he keeps
No he's never gonna leave
So dont you worry about me
Dont you worry about me

Mama theres no way you'll ever lose me
And giving me away is not goodbye
As you watch me walk down to my future, I hope tears of joy are in your eyes

Cuz he is good, so good
He treats your little girl like a real man should
He is good, so good, he makes promises he keeps
No he's never gonna leave
So dont you worry about me
Dont you worry about me

And when I watch my little baby grow I'll only want whats best for her
And I hope she'll find the answer to my prayers
And that she'll say

He is good, so good
He treats your little girl like a real man should
He is good, so good, he makes promises he keeps
No he's never gonna leave
So dont you worry about me
Dont you worry about me

Mama dont you worry about me

Dont you worry about me

Pursuing your dreams....

So I just completed a 21 day fast with my church family. It was an amazing 21 days. It was a 21 day pursuit of pursuing more of God....more of his holiness...more of his righteousness... God showed up amongst us and his anointing fell this past Sunday in an amazing way. It is just the beginning of what is to come.

I could go all the way back to months before this fast started and things I feel and know that God began changing in me, speaking to me, and showing me. My hunger and thirst for him has never been so alive as it is right now, it started long before I can remember. My heart has always been on fire for God but just like everyone, I have been through the flames... through the valleys and up the mountains and have had moments where my time spent with God was not enough and I was not seeking him daily and listening to his still small voice. But it is also in those moments when you are walking through the valley that you become broken, undone, and set apart. Sometimes we must climb the highest mountains and walk through the lowest valley's in order to seek out God's best, in order to see his fullness reflect in our lives, in order to hear him fully, in order to become the men and women of God that he has called us to be. My mother always says, to whom much is given, much is required. That goes a long ways...... Sometimes the cost is great, sometimes it is little. But when you finish the race and you cross the finish line, the victory is always greater than you imagined, and you turn around and you look back and you know that it was worth every bit of the pain, the tears shed, the hurts, the failures, the accomplishments, and the battle that you fought,because you won and you were victorious. You were an over comer.
I look on my life and I see the journeys God has placed me on, not as something that I regret but something that I look at as a gift that God has given me. He has placed me on every journey for a reason, he knew that I would be able to handle it, he knew that it is what I needed. He knew it might shake me and challenge me but he also knew that I would be victorious and would not give up until I received God's best and his will for my life. I remember I went to back to my Florida to visit. My family and I went to our old church. I had just been recently diagnosed with my liver disease at the time. I remember my pastor's wife looked me in the eyes and said to me don't look at my sickness as something horrible, but look at it as something that God has placed in my hands because he knows that I can handle it..... I left there that day and I went with that word and kept it close at heart. I thought about once again the journey I was on and how many lives I would touch through my story and my testimony.

At a young age God instilled into me a heart of compassion for the hurting and the broken, this was even before my parents divorced... Then it was shortly after that they divorced that I began to experience the pain and hurt that others experience and God began to place me on these journey's in life that have truly shaped me and defined me into the woman of God I am today. These journey's have set me apart and have called me to a higher standard. I began to see and understand others hurts and pains. I have always felt in my heart and spirit that one day I could speak to thousands of young people sharing my story and my testimony. I don't know exactly what that means or the direction God is taking me, but I know I am listening and seeking him and his direction.

As I blog right now this song comes to my mind, one that when I was little I used to sing. Its about asking and receiving... Asking for the nations because that is the cry of my heart....

"You said, "Ask and you will receive whatever you need."
You said, "Pray and I'll hear from heaven,

And I'll heal your land."
You said Your glory will fill the earth
Like water the sea.

You said, "Lift up your eyes;
The harvest is here, the kingdom is near.
You said, "Ask and I'll give the nations to you."
Lord, that's the cry of my heart.
Distant shores and the islands will see
Your light as it rises on us.
O Lord, I ask for the nations.


Which brings me back to completing this fast. After coming home from Paraguay and even during this fast God had put a stronger desire and passion inside of me to minster to young people one day. My level of compassion for the hurting and the broken has intensified so much more and I know more than ever that God is already using me, but is going to use me to touch so many people that I don't even know about yet. As i am walking in a new journey and a new chapter I know that whatever God has in store for my future is going to blow me away as it already has begun to with the people he has brought in my life and the things he has shown me. I will continue to pursue every dream.. every passion and I will run this race with strength, perseverance and determination.



"Since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning the shame and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:1-2

Everyday I will awaken my praise.......

Well today( which today, really means yesterday because this is when I wrote this blog) was just one of those days......... one of those days where I honestly did not feel like doing much. I kind of felt as if I was in just a blah kind of mood.
The rain didnt help either... lol...

So coming to terms with not being in school this semester has been hard to grasp some days for me. Even though most of us say we don't like school, there is apart of us that will always like school. We enjoy the interaction with peers, we enjoy the ability to learn and obtain new knowledge that will further our futures, we enjoy the laughter and smiles of students as you pass through hallways and sidewalks... You just enjoy the atmosphere you find on a college campus. Well for me, that has all come to a stand still for now. It's not a bad thing, but a good thing because I know that in my life right now, this is where God has called me to be. Their are just days that I have felt so disconnected from my friends and the world around me. Although even when I had classes everyday, I never really saw my friends during the week... So nothing has really changed, I just believe that it is more the knowing and the feelings that I am not there right now.....

However through all of this... through this new chapter in my life.... through this new journey... Once again God is challenging me...changing me... shaping me... and walking by my side day in and day out."Everyday I will awaken my praise, and pour out a song from my heart".... everyday that is what I truly do. I have perfect peace in all of this, and have great joy and strength....:)

Psalms 28:7

"The LORD is my strength and my shield;
my heart trusts in him, and I am helped.
My heart leaps for joy
and I will give thanks to him in song."

Timing is Everything.....

Well.. It has been several days since I have blogged last. I feel as if I have been around the world in the past weeks of my life.

I'm not even sure I know where to begin at this point or what to even say...

What I do know is that God is truly forever faithful. As I have said before, God has always been faithful to me and my family, however I have seen with my eyes the amazing faithfulness of God and I have literally watched it unfold day by day and have been completely blown away.

Sometimes in life it seems that plans don't always go the way "You" or "I" want them to go. However they do happen in God's perfect, divine timing. He never fails. He is never to soon and he is never to late! He opens doors and he closes doors. Sometimes when you wait for Gods absolute best you will be blown away at the doors and the divine appointments he has ordained for you.

Even as I blog, I will be honest and say there have been moments recently I found myself being discouraged or wondering why my life is taking this route, but God stopped me in my tracks and reminded me that this is where I am supposed to be and this is in his plans for my life. I must continue to trust him in all things. I must continue to pursue him and I must continue to surrender everything to him. God is not surprised by any of this. It may not seem to be going the way I ever thought it would, but what I do see is it going in a direction that is completely blowing me away. God is taking me to a deeper level, higher heights, opening doors in my life that I never imagined and opening my eyes to the things unseen...

I am thankful and I am blessed for this new chapter and journey that is unfolding it my life. Just like in kari jobes song, it says: Everyday i will awaken my praise and pour out a song from my heart...... Everyday I wake up I feel like I am pouring out a new song. Everyday I feel awakened, I feel confident and know that all of my life in every season you are still God!! I will always have a reason to sing and I will always have a reason to worship.

As this new chapter is unfolding, I take every step one day at a time and I am listening to the still small voice of God as he speaks and moves in and through my life.

God I love you!

Perseverance...Strength..Trust...Surrender

"Consider it pure joy my brothers whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lack wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him....................... Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."

This scripture has been so relevant in my life over the past years and even more so as of late....

So I am going to school to get my degree in Elementary Education. I have wanted to be a teacher from the time I was a little girl. Since I am now a senior in college, I am nearing the end of my journey and coming to the most intricate and challenging parts of finishing my degree. In order for me to finish out these last 2 semesters I have to get into the (TEP) Teacher Education Program. In order to do that, I have to pass a state Praxis test. Well I took the test this past summer, there are 3 sections on the exam: Math, Reading and Writing. I passed the writing with flying scores, however my math and reading were one point shy of passing the required scores. I got a 173 and you have to get a 174. To be honest it was the most discouraging thing to know that I was so close but yet so far away. So I began the fall semester finishing out my general Ed classes not really worrying about the test anymore at that time, well the semester quickly came to an end and I still had not taken the Praxis again and therefore could not register for classes for the Spring Semester......
I was rather unsure of what I was going to do, so I proceeded to finish my portfolio and go ahead and turn it in. When I turned it in, I explained my situation, they said don't worry this happens all the time with the scores, just take the Praxis again before school starts back and if you pass you can then register for classes.....
To be honest when school ended, my main focus was getting ready to leave for Paraguay and I had kinda put the Praxis on the back burner. The other day I was asked "Why did you really wait on taking the test?" Honestly I did procrastinate... It's because I had lost all confidence and was so discouraged that I was only 1 point away and that I had to take it again in order to get into the TEP and register for classes. I came to the point where I just didn't even know what I wanted to do. I thought for many days maybe I have picked the wrong major. I have never been a good test taker. I can excel at pretty much anything I put my mind to, but testing is not one of my fortes. Everything else in my academic profile is acceptable for the TEP but my scores. So to say the least it is really frustrating....
With all this said I am actually taking the Praxis on Tuesday... and in the meantime am seeking the favor of the Lord for me to be able to go ahead and register for classes before then. Otherwise after my results from Tuesday it will then determine the next step I take and where I go......

Once again God has brought me to the place in my life where I am surrendering everything to him. I have released it all. I cannot worry, I cannot doubt but I will do nothing but Trust. Psalms 26:3 says " For your love is ever before me, and I walk continually in your truth." I know that I am walking in his truth. I don't know right now what my future holds. I am at the place where I am uncertain whether or not I am even supposed to be a teacher. Honestly I have never really asked God whether or not there was something else for me besides teaching, I just always knew "I" wanted to be a teacher and that was my dream, but just what if that is not in God's plans. What if he has something else in store.... It is a very hard place to be right now. When you know that your career is so close to being done, but yet that may not be the direction God is going to take you, he may choose to take you a compleelty differnt way and open bigger and better doors... and so many times I just want to say God What?! What now? But I know without a shadow of a doubt that God has my life in the palm of his hands. He knew I would be at this very moment where I am at. He knew that this day would come. I don't know what he is doing but he is doing something so big in my life, that I sense it.. I feel it... I hear his still small voice and I know that everything will work out in his perfect timing not mine, and when it does I will be amazed once again at the amazing faithfulness of God.

As I have been through so many different roads in life, I have been to this place before where sometimes you must sacrifice, you must lay down your biggest dreams and your biggest hopes in life and you must give them over to God. But when you do, you will be BLOWN away at the doors and the blessings that God will open up for you. It is called obedience. It is not always easy, but to whom much is given, much is required. We so many times want the easy way out, we want things handed to us, and we don't ever give anything up, but sometimes we must do the exact opposite. Nothing is ours, everything has been given to us freely by a loving and a faithful God and we must listen... hear... pray.. seek and be obedient to his word and his calling on our life. We must trust and know that he has ordained and ordered our every steps and he has called us by name and he has prepared us for such a time as this.

It seems like all of this could not of come at a more perfect time. I am on a 21 day fast with my church family. A fast to pursue God more and more everyday. So I am laying it all down. Every Hope. Every dream. Everything and I am pursuing the very breath of God more and more everyday. For direction in my life, because right now I don't know what tomorrow holds, what next week holds, but what I do know is that I serve a faithful and a loving father who will never leave me or forsake me and has a plan and a purpose for my life. Every journey that he has placed me on, I have been .. blessed... molded.... defined.. sharpened... guided and changed to be the person that God has called me to be. I will walk this next journey of my life with strength.. determination... perseverance... trust. and surrender.. Even though this all may seem overwhelming, in the midst of it all I am beyond excited and their is apart of me that knows that there is something bigger and greater on the horizon that I cannot see right now but I must surrender it all and trust God in all things. I must wait patiently on the Lord. "But those whose hope is in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31

God. you are indescribable. my father. my shelter. my friend. my healer. my refuge. my strength. Thank you for every blessing. for life. for your grace and mercy that is new every morning. Thank you for the song in my heart and the dance to my feet. I will forever praise you.

A New Year... A New Chapter.... A New Season...

Well it is 2010 and I cannot believe it. Time is flying by me right before my eyes. It seems like just yesterday we were just moving to Tennessee and I was just beginning my Sophomore year of high school... Now I am a SEEEEEENNNIIIOORR in college!!! ahhhhh....

I have never been as excited about life as I am. I am ready to embrace this new year that is sitting before me. Embrace it with everything within me. With Strength... Determination...Love...Sacrifice...Humility...Perseverance...Faith...Hope...Dreams... Promises...Family...Friends...and most of all God.

I have always seen God's faithfulness prevalent in my life but even more so in the last couple of months. There have been many moments in my life where I have questioned God plenty of times. Ask him why am I here? Why am I going through this? Will I ever see the sun shine again in my life? In those moments that I didn't know what was going on around me or what the outcome would be, the one thing that I had was the faith to press on no matter what. To climb the highest mountains because what was on the other side was far bigger than I could see at that time or even begin to understand. As I reflect back over my life this past year as well as the past 3 years God blows me away to see where he has brought me from and what he has brought me through. Sometimes when you stop and think back you can really see the amazing faithfulness of an indescribable, unconditional loving God. Sometimes we want to doubt God's faithfulness or say that we don't see it, I know. I have been there before, I am sure we all have. We want to second guess the journey we are on. However what you must know and realize is that God has ordained every day and every step you take in your life. He knows every journey you will travel, every battle you will fight, every mountain you will climb, every valley you will walk through and every obstacle you will overcome. Through it all he is preparing you and building you for something greater. I have learned so many lessons through my journey's in life and am still learning.... :)

So with all that said, I am ready to embrace this year. I am ready to run the race that God has placed before me. Run it with all my might and know that when I cross the finish line there will be great rewards. I see the hand of God at work in my life everyday, even more so it seems as of late. He is a faithful God. I love him from the utter most parts of my being.

It's a new season. A season of new beginnings. I don't know all that this New Year will bring but I know that God has some amazing and big things in store for my life. my relationship. my family. my future. my friends. I am excited to watch it unfold. I am thankful and I am blessed beyond belief.

I would not trade any journey I have traveled, any obstacle I have faced, any pain I have felt, any tear I have cried for where God has brought me today. If all of that was for these moments and times that I have experienced in the last couple months. Then it was worth it. When you see how amazing and faithful God truly is it will blow you away, it will literally bring you to your hands and knees. The other morning I woke up and began my morning devotions and prayer. I could do nothing more but lay on the floor of my bedroom weeping and just being still and listening to the still small voice of God. Sometimes he just wants you to stop. Be Still. and know that he is God. There have been times in my life when I thought that God didn't speak to me, but he has never stopped speaking to me. All I know is that God is doing something big inside my heart and in my life. My hunger... My thirst and my passion for more of God is stronger everyday..... As I start my last and final semesters at Lee, I pray that I will leave the biggest mark and impact than ever before!

"Every valley shall be raised up, every mountain and hill made low; the rough ground shall become level, the rugged places a plain. And the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all mankind together will see it. For the mouth of the Lord has spoken." Isaiah 40:4-5

Thank you God for your faithfulness in my life. Thank you for your hand of grace and mercy that I see each new day. You have blessed me beyond my dreams and hopes and I am thankful for my family and amazing friends you have placed in my life. :) I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I am ready to embark on this new and exciting journey!

Reflections from Paraguay.....

Well it has been quite a while since I have been on here.... A lot has happened in my life over the last couple months...

Where to even begin.. so many thoughts.. so many emotions... Let me begin with saying that I serve an awesome and amazing God. He is forever faithful. In him I live and move and breathe.

A month ago today I was heading to Paraguay with 7 other people. I can honestly say that I wish I was boarding another plane today to head to Paraguay again. It all began about 9 months ago when God brought my family to PRC. As we are entering our 7th year of living in Cleveland Tennessee, I can honestly say that we have found a church to call home. In attending PRC I have had that amazing opportunity to meet some great people and build some lasting relationships with them. One being the director of my trip to Paraguay as well as his family. We had begun talking through mutual family friends, then before I knew it, I was signed up to go on his trip to Honduras this past December. Well Honduras soon turned into Paraguay due to political unrest in Honduras. I believe without a shadow of a doubt that it was completely ordained by God and we were supposed to go to Paraguay.

Over those next 8 months leading up to the trip God was doing a lot in my life. He began challenging me to rise above in every area of my life and to go the extra mile. To make a difference, and to trust him in everything. To give him my hopes, my dreams, my future and know that my steps were ordered and ordained by him. Everything would fall into place in his perfect timing not mine. Sometimes that is a really hard concept to think about, sometimes it is a hard thing to do. It is not always easy to do but sometimes God requires much of us so that he can build us, challenge us, shape us and teach us.

I spent many days and nights praying for Paraguay,the team and the trip. I knew that God was going to do some amazing things. I remember one night after our class, it was about 8 days before we were to leave, we were practicing for a drama that we were going to perform in Paraguay for the kids. As we were practicing it I could sense Gods presence everywhere and as I closed my eyes I pictured us in Paraguay and I knew in that very moment that God was already preparing their hearts as well as ours for something far greater and bigger than we could even begin to understand. At that moment I knew God was going to do something in my life while in Paraguay that would change me forever. He did. I am not the same person. I am changed.

There is something so alive in me that I just cannot contain it, there are some days that I can't even explain it. While in Paraguay we did many projects and completed those projects, it was a great feeling to know that we had accomplished our goals and saw them to completion.
One moment in Paraguay that will forever be written on my heart is the Sunday night we did the church service for the kids, but first let me just back up and say that the night before the service Sara and Shaun Morton The missionaries that we were staying with shared about the children in the orphanage. They talked about where they came from, what they have experienced and just their life story. It was heartbreaking to hear the stories. So in those moments my heart was being changed, broken, and challenged.
By the time we got to the service the tears began to flow as I watched the kids and thought about their stories. We were asked to get paired up with about 3 kids and pray over them. This was a very amazing moment for me as I got 3 of the kids that I had really connected with in just the few days that we were already there. So I wrapped my arms around them and began to weep and pray. I felt, sensed and knew that God was there in the midst of us. When we were done praying one of the little girls Kimberly who I had prayed for came running into my arms. As I picked her up she put her hands to my cheeks and began to wipe my tears.
Even as I write this now I cry. In that very second I was blown away, because even though we could not speak to each other she knew that I was crying, that I was hurting and praying for them and she was wiping away my tears and smiling. Our hearts connected in that moment and I was forever changed. At that same time another one of the girls came up to me, put her arms around my neck and said I love you!
As we left the service I walked back in complete silence to the house. I could not even speak, all I could do was weep.... My heart was captured forever by the precious faces, hearts and lives of those children as well as Paraguay!

I could go on for days... hours... and minutes of stories in Paraguay and how my life was changed. This is just one of many stories. But one other story that truly is a huge part of my life and has impacted me on all levels is the fact that I met my absolute best friend in all the world while on this journey across the world. Not just for a season but for a lifetime! :) His name is Tyler and he holds a very special and important place in my heart. He depicts what a true Godly man of God should be, he has the biggest heart of compassion as well as the heart of a worshiper. He is a man after God's own heart and I am beyond blessed to have in my life and call him my Best Friend :) :) While in Paraguay we connected in such a way that most days you can't put words to it, most days I'm speechless. This friendship and relationship that we have developed has surpassed my hopes, dreams and desires. God is faithful and when you seek him, and when you wait patiently on the Lord he will give you the desires of your heart. Never doubt him. Never give up. Always hope. Always persevere. Always believe that his timing is perfect not ours.

So I leave by saying that Paraguay has left footprints on my heart not just for a little fling but for a lifetime. It has completely and utterly changed me inside out. It has ignited in me a new fire... a new flame... a new hunger.. a new thirst.. a new passion.... and it has brought me to my hands and knees more and more each and everyday to pray for the broken... the hurting... and the lost. I know that God has called me to a higher standard.... He has given me a heart of compassion for the broken.. It's bigger than I can imagine... I will use my story... my testimony to make a difference. God has prepared me for such a time as this.

"Our feet tell a story of where we have been and hold the hopes and dreams of where we will go" :)

God you are forever faithful. Thank You.