So I just completed a 21 day fast with my church family. It was an amazing 21 days. It was a 21 day pursuit of pursuing more of God....more of his holiness...more of his righteousness... God showed up amongst us and his anointing fell this past Sunday in an amazing way. It is just the beginning of what is to come.
I could go all the way back to months before this fast started and things I feel and know that God began changing in me, speaking to me, and showing me. My hunger and thirst for him has never been so alive as it is right now, it started long before I can remember. My heart has always been on fire for God but just like everyone, I have been through the flames... through the valleys and up the mountains and have had moments where my time spent with God was not enough and I was not seeking him daily and listening to his still small voice. But it is also in those moments when you are walking through the valley that you become broken, undone, and set apart. Sometimes we must climb the highest mountains and walk through the lowest valley's in order to seek out God's best, in order to see his fullness reflect in our lives, in order to hear him fully, in order to become the men and women of God that he has called us to be. My mother always says, to whom much is given, much is required. That goes a long ways...... Sometimes the cost is great, sometimes it is little. But when you finish the race and you cross the finish line, the victory is always greater than you imagined, and you turn around and you look back and you know that it was worth every bit of the pain, the tears shed, the hurts, the failures, the accomplishments, and the battle that you fought,because you won and you were victorious. You were an over comer.
I look on my life and I see the journeys God has placed me on, not as something that I regret but something that I look at as a gift that God has given me. He has placed me on every journey for a reason, he knew that I would be able to handle it, he knew that it is what I needed. He knew it might shake me and challenge me but he also knew that I would be victorious and would not give up until I received God's best and his will for my life. I remember I went to back to my Florida to visit. My family and I went to our old church. I had just been recently diagnosed with my liver disease at the time. I remember my pastor's wife looked me in the eyes and said to me don't look at my sickness as something horrible, but look at it as something that God has placed in my hands because he knows that I can handle it..... I left there that day and I went with that word and kept it close at heart. I thought about once again the journey I was on and how many lives I would touch through my story and my testimony.
At a young age God instilled into me a heart of compassion for the hurting and the broken, this was even before my parents divorced... Then it was shortly after that they divorced that I began to experience the pain and hurt that others experience and God began to place me on these journey's in life that have truly shaped me and defined me into the woman of God I am today. These journey's have set me apart and have called me to a higher standard. I began to see and understand others hurts and pains. I have always felt in my heart and spirit that one day I could speak to thousands of young people sharing my story and my testimony. I don't know exactly what that means or the direction God is taking me, but I know I am listening and seeking him and his direction.
As I blog right now this song comes to my mind, one that when I was little I used to sing. Its about asking and receiving... Asking for the nations because that is the cry of my heart....
"You said, "Ask and you will receive whatever you need."
You said, "Pray and I'll hear from heaven,
And I'll heal your land."
You said Your glory will fill the earth
Like water the sea.
You said, "Lift up your eyes;
The harvest is here, the kingdom is near.
You said, "Ask and I'll give the nations to you."
Lord, that's the cry of my heart.
Distant shores and the islands will see
Your light as it rises on us.
O Lord, I ask for the nations.
Which brings me back to completing this fast. After coming home from Paraguay and even during this fast God had put a stronger desire and passion inside of me to minster to young people one day. My level of compassion for the hurting and the broken has intensified so much more and I know more than ever that God is already using me, but is going to use me to touch so many people that I don't even know about yet. As i am walking in a new journey and a new chapter I know that whatever God has in store for my future is going to blow me away as it already has begun to with the people he has brought in my life and the things he has shown me. I will continue to pursue every dream.. every passion and I will run this race with strength, perseverance and determination.
"Since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning the shame and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:1-2
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